First of all. Before getting deep. I feel like you should know that order has been restored, and I simply walked to Community Foods today and bought these:
Phew.
Much better.
Okay. Now on to the good stuff. It’s been all of two posts since I have had some deep thoughts that I have shared with you – obviously we are due. Today is the day.
I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately. Fear as a motivator. Fear as a paralyzer. My fears – whether founded or unfounded. And, how to get rid of them, and/or use them to better my life. (Whew – quite a few thoughts apparently)
It’s funny because when I articulate my fears out loud, most of them seem incredibly silly:
- I am afraid of what I will watch on Thursday nights when 30 Rock is done.
- I am afraid that someday I will hate running or exercising, and become a huge couch potato.
- I am afraid that brother bear and I will have to live together forever. (this fear can be DEBILITATING!)
But then some – as silly as they may seem, are REAL fears of mine. The kind that keep me awake at night.
- I am deathly afraid of disappointing my parents, and letting down my fam.
- I am afraid that I’ll never find my own career “niche” – and will be left in a career “no man’s land” forever.
- I am afraid of never finding that special person. Don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid of being alone. (Let’s face it, I am extremely apathetic about men, and if you have dated me in the recent past, I apologize for this.) I am afraid that I will never meet anyone who I deem “worthy” of moving out of my apathy for. Someone who is up for Lego forts, breakfast for dinner, and also can have an intellectual conversation (all while running 10 miles). This combination is harder to find than you know.
- I am afraid of leaving this world without any impact.
Whoa.
Those are intense fears. (well, to me)
The thing is – sometimes, I let these things crush me. I start thinking about them at 3am in the morning (which, let’s face it – is the worse time to think of ANYTHING) and I get really, really afraid.
But you know what?
Instead of letting them paralyze me, I am choosing to embrace them and use them to motivate me. Motivate me to keep dating (despite the vast amount of apathy-worthy men out there) Motivate me to continue to explore different career options. Motivate me to be the best friend/daughter/sister (well, maybe not sister) that I can be…
I guess the more I think about it, the more I am aware that everyone has fears. A lot of our fears are similar – some are different. But, there really is no option besides facing them. I mean, I could stay curled up in my bed all day the Friday after 30 Rock ends… but what good would that do?
Okay. Deep talk over. Phew – just really needed to get that off my chest.
What about you? Do you have fears? What do you do when they come a creepin’ in the wee small hours of the morning?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok so on the finding the right guy…I’d always grown up believing that God had a plan and it would all work out but there were definitely times I doubted that. Until God pretty much threw my husband in front of me until I just about stumbled over him. And there were things about him that weren’t exactly what I thought I wanted. Um, hello I thought I wanted a 6’4 basketball playing lawyer who would would take me out to fancy dinners every night, like art and drink wine. What I got was a 5’9 swimmer/runner who drinks beer, hates fancy parties and is the most incredible human being I’ve ever met. And now instead of having a fear that I’ll never find someone, I have a crazy, irrational fear that I’ll lose him and to be honest, I think the fear of not finding someone is much more bearable than the fear that the person you love more than anything might one day not be around.
Wow- now I just got deep. I guess the only advice I can give here is to no get bogged down with fearing what you should be doing or what you might do. Just try to live in the moment and one way or another everything will work itself out.
Oh man! I really appreciate your honesty AND advice. I appreciate the fact that you speak from life experience… you are a WISE woman. Thank you!
Blerg is right! (Oh Liz Lemon) I am so glad I am not alone in my “real” fears!