Well hello. Right now, on my to-do list for the day, it reads: French Chapters 11 +12.

Perfect time to blog, yes? Yes.

Continuing on with the positive thinking streak we have going here, I thought I’d give you some insight (new insight, you have old insight if you’re a regular reader. Hi mom!) into what currently annoys me.

1) Hashtags.

Everyone is hashtagging everything these days, and let me tell you. It’s dumb. Unless you do it ironically like brother bear and I… then  it’s okay. Because, if I’m doing it – then it must be okay.

In all seriousness. I once had a wise woman (Hi Kendra!) tell me that hashtags are only meant to be used on Twitter or Instagram and only really to join a conversation. But, everyone hashtags everything, especially on Facebook. Nice picture of you, thanks for hashtagging it with a million things.

Oh? You took a self portrait of yourself in bed and put #sleep #bed #rest? I couldn’t tell what was up. Thanks for the clarification.

2) This:

Thanks for this.

On the back of my car, I am going to put a sticker of me, the remote, and an alarm clock beside a sign which reads “on the weekends I get up when I want”.

And you see how you like it.

3) The people who work/shop at Organic/Health Food Stores.

Montana is exempt from this, Montana people are friendly all the time and everywhere.

Have you noticed, that whenever you go into most health food stores? Specifically the very large one in Calgary-  that everyone who works there, and shops there (except me, because as you can tell from this post, I am a very happy person) is miserable and all together just unhappy?

Why is this?

For the Customer: Is it because you get crucified for not bringing your own bag? Is it because parking is so hard to find? Is it because you are spending your entire life savings in order to simply be pesticide free?

Why?

For the Sales Clerk: Is it because you want to feel like you are on the margins of society by working at such an underground place, but yet you know deep down that you are really fooling yourself because you are, in fact, working for the man? Is it because the patchouli oil you put on this morning is burning your nostrils?? Is it because Chia seeds actually taste like nothing and get stuck in your teeth but they are the only thing that you can buy with your employee discount??

Why?

And finally,

4) This one saddens me, we all know how much I love America. But seriously?

We all know that talking about  the weather  makes for good small talk. However, it’s pretty hard to talk about weather when you say “oh, can you believe it’s going to be 10 degrees here today!!” and you get someone staring at you with a blank look on their face.

Listen, it’s okay to be an individual.

But not in this case.

Buck up. Get it together. Learn the Metric system.

Okay? Okay.

So. This week, I had the flu… again.

Yes. Twice in one month – which tells me two things:

A) This is most definitely not  my month.

and

B) My body is telling me something, perhaps to back the eff off?

Anyhow. Since I was stuck in bed, (only for a day, the rest of the week I managed to eek through my daily tasks with multiple pill poppings) I did what any logical person would do. I found another series to watch on my TV “on demand”, and proceeded to watch every single episode.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that when the HBO series “Girls” came out, I was not a fan – it felt I don’t know..not right, like it was trying too hard? (I’m so cultured in my TV reviews, I know) but since there was nothing else on, and I had already been sick enough before to catch up on every other TV series in the world, I tried out season two… and this is what I learned.

1) Parents are invaluable. Especially your mom.

There is this one episode, where Hannah starts getting all OCD about her ear cleaning. (Girl, I feel ya – sometimes you gotta stick a q-tip in there and dig, dig, dig) however, she gets a little crazy and sticks the q-tip in waaay too far.. doing serious damage. Who is her first call to? Her Parents. Who then said, and I quote (probably wrongly) “what did we say? Nothing bigger than an elbow”.

That’s some wise words up in here.

My parents are always my first call in any dire situation, (no matter what time of day or night – aren’t they lucky?!) and their advice is (almost) always spot on. Except for the time when I was a small child and my mom would (less than gently) brush the knots out of my hair and say when I complained “you must suffer to be beautiful” – I’m ditching that one.

2) No matter how edgy your show is – conventional plot lines sell.

Lena Dunham does some amazing stuff in this show. She really articulates the plight of a twenty-something female extremely well. However, and this is the major spoiler alert (sorry), in the season finale, the characters are all saved by men.

What the eff? How can you be so spot on in everything else… then have a guy rescue the damsel in distress?!

Which leads me to point # 3. (Man, I love myself some lists)

3) A man will never save you.

If you are going through some serious sh*t and waiting for your Prince? He is not coming. Men can’t rescue you, they will not come and swoop you up out of whatever crazy you got yourself into, slap a band-aid on it and make it all better. They can’t. They are only human AND they are men, which is a double penalization in my opinion.

Whatever mess you are in? You’ve got to find a way to get yourself out of,  or call your parents, and/or wait for the Big Guy upstairs to help you out. He is the only man who is capable of the job anyhow.

4) Just because you have a dream, doesn’t mean you should do it.

Um, in one episode – Alison Williams character (whose name I cannot remember and am too lazy to google) is asked what her dream is, and out of nowhere she replies that she wants to sing.  Long story short, her dream falls flat as she decides to sing a horrible Kanye West mash up at some party, somewhere in NYC. (I had the flu okay, I wasn’t really “with it”, so I don’t remember the details) It was embarrassing and terrible, and it illustrates one REALLY good point.

In this day and age, we are taught to “follow our dreams”….. but you know what? Sometimes, our dreams stink, and are not feasible and you should probably do something else.

and finally,

5) Girls are fickle, and complex, and emotional and sometimes it would just be easier to be a guy.

The end.

Well well well. This blog post is long overdue. I warned you that I wouldn’t be as regular with my blogging as those who eat their Fiber One every morning are. (little poop joke for you)

Lots of fun stuff has been happening here on the ranch. (actually, here in my 650 sq ft condo in the heart of Calgary – but really, you don’t need to know that)

#1) I’ve been training to be a Barre Body instructor.

On top of taking the Booty Barre training, I’ve been working with the ever so lovely Marlo over at Barre Body Studio in Inglewood to become the best damn booty shaking instructor you ever did see. (aka- I’ve been trying to get rhythm. Pretty hard thing to acquire let me tell you)

I am also the woman who decided that it would be possible to run crazy distances and workout like a beast on top of training. Because, like, duh- I am superwoman okay?

Which resulted in this:

source

And also resulted in point number two.

# 2) I got the flu.

So, last Friday, my body decided to hold a mutiny and I got sick. Real. Sick.

It was REALLY fun. I took a lot of NyQuil and proceeded to text old boyfriends.

What? Doesn’t everyone do that?

Thankfully, I didn’t just spend time texting old flames – I also discovered, and caught up on this:

source

Well golly, if mama didn’t love her some good ol’ country charm. (I haven’t lost my mind. This is how they talk in the show. Subsequently, my inner dialogue now sounds rather…how shall we say… country?)

Oh! And I forgot the best part of my update.

Because I had the flu – my mom told me I could go get a massage. (This means she paid for it – not that I needed her permission for it. I am a big girl, I do what I want.)

So on Monday, I went for a little promenade (a walk) to the massage place, as parking generally costs an arm and a leg. I decided to cross this rather busy intersection, but thankfully- I used the crosswalk. When I pressed the little button – most people stopped. In fact, all cars in the vicinity came to a halt. So I proceeded. What I failed to notice, is that about four blocks away – some elderly woman put the peddle to the metal in her nice little car and went through the crosswalk.

Resulting in point number three.

#3) I got hit by a car.

I feel like the above sentence is probably self explanatory. Long story short – lady ran over my right foot. (Completely destroying my boot might I add) and I got to take a little trip over the hood of her car.

Then I proceeded to call my dad and scream bloody murder. Thankfully, people gathered round and some lovely woman took the phone away from me and told my dad I was alive (I still don’t think his heart has recovered) and other called the proper peeps (I believe the correct number to call in any emergency situation is 911??)

There are a bunch of other details, but I don’t really remember any of them. (and no, none of the firefighters of EMS workers were hot. I mean they were attractive but 50% of them were women..so it was a lose/lose situation.)

All I know is this.

My boot looks like this:

However, my foot is not broken.

Thank the Lord for fluffy and ugly Uggs. Apparently, had I been wearing any other footwear (heels, leather boots etc) all the bones in my foot would’ve been crushed.

(I don’t know if this needs interpretation, but if this would’ve happened and I couldn’t run… I would probably lose all friends and family as I would go absolutely nuts)

So aside from a really sore and swollen right foot, a really out of whack body and a little scab. I am okay. (Mentally, probably not as I still can’t use crosswalks. But, was I ever alright mentally?)

(um, do they  make ecards for everything now?)

So there you go.

You are all caught up.

And obviously? That whole, I shouldn’t be so negative thing that I talked about in my last post? It’s kind of gone out the window.  There’s always tomorrow right? Or maybe next week, when the swelling goes down and I can run again.

(I make light of the situation, but seriously – it was probably the most frightening thing that has ever happened to me, and it really made me realize that life? It can change at any section. Also? Be really careful when you are crossing the street)

I seriously hope your last couple of weeks have been way less eventful than mine. Or else, I hope they have been full of REALLY pleasant events.

ps- I have over 4000 spam comments from very neglectful blog ownership. Someone’s really got to go through those.. (someone meaning me) so, if you’ve left a comment recently.. I apologize. It’ll be resurrected from the spam/yet to be approved comment dungeon.

WaWaWeeWa.

That’s me paying homage to Borat. In case you weren’t aware.

(yes, I have become even stranger since we last spoke)

Did you miss me? Did you even notice I was gone? No? Yes?

Well. I inadvertently gave up blogging for a month. Well month-ish, and instead of filling you in on my life (which hasn’t really changed all that much) I am going to tell you why I haven’t been inclined to blog.

1) Healthy Living Blogs?

They are annoying.

Sometimes, I get really “in” the “HLB” world and forget that normally?  People do not run 10 miles every day, they don’t “pin” every single workout they “magically” come up with on their own, they don’t go on and on about how to “eat clean” at a restaurant, or how they just want to lose the “last five”.

I am sick of seeing pictures of people in sports bras, showing off their abs, instagramming their food or discussing their diet tricks.

Don’t get me wrong. I love sweating and eating produce. But, if I am not careful – I let my life revolve around these things, and I don’t want my life to revolve around these things. I want to live. I want to be satisfied with a five mile run – and if you are yapping on about your juicing and your ten-miler, I will want to punch you in the teeth.

2) I have been a negative Nelly.

So (as demonstrated with this blog before) y’all know that I fancy myself a Jesus Follower. As you can see from the previous point I made above about HLB’s, lately – I have been less than….shall we say “full of grace”?

Life has increasingly not been where I’ve wanted it to be. So I’ve been a tad grumbly. This is evident if you have a conversation with me… I have become a snarker of epic proportions.

I think this world has enough negativity. Why should I add to it? Plus. JC tells us to love. I’ve been lacking in love.

3) Lots of hilarious things have happened to me that I really wanted to tell you about – but I couldn’t. Some things you can’t disclose until WAY after the fact – and I just couldn’t keep my big mouth (read: my fingers) from telling ya’ll. So I didn’t.

There is a fine line between the things I tell my friend and family for a laugh. And the things I tell the world for a laugh.

There is also a fine line between things I want everyone and their dog knowing (not that I think dogs can read mind you)

So. Where does this leave us? I have no idea. I’ll probably still blog a bit. And, I’ll probably talk about my epic runs sometimes, or maybe my lack of epic runs. I will never post pictures of what I eat (we all know that’s just not my style) and eventually I’ll tell you some really hilarious dating stories that I’ve been accruing.

But, how often? I just can’t say. I’m sure I’ll get on a tangent sometime soon and blog seventy thousand times in one month. Don’t worry. I’ll be back.

It’s been awhile since I blogged. Sometimes I get a hankerin’ to blog like nuts. (What does this mean.. blog like nuts? I do not know) Other times – not so much.

But there are a few pressing issues I need to discuss with you.

1) French is hard.

I was bilingual as a child. Therefore, you’d think somewhere in the inner recesses of my brain -the french would be stored.

It’s not.

This is me:

2) I am also going to be studying the method of Booty Barre.

I have been talking to Marlo over at Barre Body Studio, and Delia over at Exhale – and I mean, who wouldn’t want to be like these fabulous ladies?

First step in becoming just like them?

Get the old Booty Barre Training.

So – obviously, I am going to need lots of people to practice on. Booty Barre parties at my house?! YES! (I’m serious – come over and be my guinea pigs..mmmkay?)

3) Making sushi at home sucks. You spend all this time and money on stuff that falls apart. It is important to note when considering making your own sushi, just how far the nearest sushi restaurant is from your place. (In my case? I have two within ten steps. Why did I decided to make it at home? I do not know.) Homemade sushi not pictured.

However – making homemade oreos instead of buying them? That’s a win.

(why yes, I am a world class photographer – thanks for asking)

4) I made myself watch the last episode of 30 Rock at the gym – so I wouldn’t cry. I also watched it in increments – to make it last even longer. But I teared up anyhow. It’s the end of an era. And I am bitter about it.

That’s all. Pretty exciting stuff right?

Ps- Anyone have any luck making their own sushi?  Anyone notice that I can’t make sushi or Kale chips? Anyone see the correlation between my singleness and my lack of abilities in the kitchen?

]]> http://www.pilatesmakesyouhappy.com/2013/02/06/filling-you-in/feed/ 1 http://www.pilatesmakesyouhappy.com/2013/01/31/my-own-personal-headlines/ http://www.pilatesmakesyouhappy.com/2013/01/31/my-own-personal-headlines/#comments Thu, 31 Jan 2013 22:08:11 +0000 Madison http://www.pilatesmakesyouhappy.com/?p=1298

So, I don’t know about you – but I usually get about 10-15 random emails daily full of news headlines/random tips/weight loss tips/health news.. etc. etc. etc.

I don’t know how I got signed up for all this crap – but it fills my inbox nonetheless.

This morning, when I woke up and checked my email from bed (because of course, I am so important that I need to check my inbox upon waking. Duh.) I received this email with the following headlines:

- Quinoa’s Dark Secret

- If you believe in Science, don’t go Paleo.

- Does Taco Bell hate vegetables?

- Sorry, Your salad will make you sick – and that chicken might kill you

- There’s flame retardant in my Gatorade?!

Wow. Doesn’t that just make me want to go out into the world and live my life to the fullest. Minus the quinoa, Paleo diet (which by the way… Runner’s World continually sends me a “Paleo Diet for Athletes!” email) Taco Bell, salad and chicken AND Gatorade.

Woo. Hoo.

So. Being the snarky snarker that I am – I decided to write my own headlines.

- Paying too much attention to a healthy diet? Unhealthy.

- Life without chocolate? Who wants it.

- Sleeping more, and running less may make you live longer.

- You work too hard. Take a break.

- Sometimes Taco Bell is just the right choice.

- If aspartame is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

- Paleo Schmaleo. Eat those grains.

- Popcorn makes you live longer.

Don’t get me wrong, I love healthy living… but I don’t care about the “dark side of quinoa”. I think it’s fine if you want to drink a Gatorade.  (I think a Diet Coke once in awhile is pretty dang good. I like my aspartame to be dark and carbonated.)

Sometimes, you’ve just got to live. And enjoy.

I’ve wasted way too many days caring about calorie counts, chemical counts, macro nutrients and the like.

As my mom says – life is for the living.

Amen?  Amen.

If you know me (and I’d like to think that even if we haven’t met – by reading this blog – you probably “know me”)

You know that I like to run.

Preferably outside. (This morning, as predicted – it was pretty cold. Like seriously cold. So I had to run inside, not enjoyable)

I also like to be safe.

Brother bear can attest to this, as I leave him numerous notes/texts/emails informing him that I am leaving for a run – what time, where, how long, and when I’ll be back. Sometimes I even text him mid-run to let him know I am going slower than anticipated. (oh, the horror!) In fact, the other day – as we were driving down to Montana – I might have gotten in trouble for “telling him six thousand times that I was going running the next morning and I would leave him a note”.

Humph.

There is a reason for this. Things happen. Life changes in an instant.

I am lucky, as I never run in places where it is desolate and there are always people around. However I am aware that things happen.

This morning, one of my favorite blogs  - told a sad story about Sherry:

“On January 7, 2012, Sherry Arnold, age 43 and a mother of two, left her house in the small town of Sidney, Montana at 6:30 a.m. for an early morning run. Sherry often ran within the town limits and January 7 was no exception. When Sherry did not come home later that morning, however, her husband began to worry. He called the police and a search ensued. By 3:00 p.m. hundreds of volunteers were searching for Sherry and only one clue had been found, Sherry’s right Brook’s running shoe.

For several days there was no sign of Sherry. On the seventh day, a tip was received on the FBI’s tip line that led to the arrest of two men, one in North Dakota and one in South Dakota. One of the men confessed to killing Sherry. She had been abducted and killed at 6:40 a.m., only about a mile from her house. Reports indicate that the two men had been using drugs while driving from Colorado to Montana to find work. They decided to find and kill a woman when they got to Montana. As the report goes, Sherry ran by their parked car and said, “Hi.” Then, she was grabbed and choked, dying immediately.

Sherry’s body was finally found on March 21, 2012, in a shallow grave near Williston, North Dakota. The two suspects have been incarcerated in Sidney since they were arrested. This week, state District Judge Richard Simonton set trial dates of November 4, 2013 and and January 6, 2014. Each suspect faces one count of deliberate homicide and attempted kidnapping. Prosecutors have said they intend to seek the death penalty if the defendants are convicted.”

source

Life is short and precious.

On February 9th – there will be a virtual run for Sherry:

In honor of Sherry and her life, in honor of all the miles she pounded on the pavement. And, as a promise to run safely. (I don’t care who you have to annoy in order to do so. Run safely!)

There is no set mileage, no set activity. Just move for Sherry.

I know that sometimes these things may seem pointless – but being aware, and keeping that awareness in your brain while you exercise, really helps to solidify things sometime.

Sherry could’ve been anyone. You, your mom, your friend, your sister.

So just do it. I will be. If you want to join me – let me know.

Run Safely Friends.

Are you shocked at the sheer amount of blogging that has been going on here?!

I am.

Holy Guacamole.

This girl is on fire. (Terrible song Alicia Keys… terrible song. I can’t run to it, I can’t really get ready to it, and it just gets stuck in my head.)

I have no real blogging material today – I mean after all, with all that I’ve blogged about lately, what else could I possibly say?

Oh wait. I’ve thought of something.

1)

Dad, Brother Bear and I slapped some carpets (aka- skins) on our skis, and hiked up a mountain yesterday. No big deal. You should note that: a) I am the one who is the farthest ahead, b) The white blob you see near my butt, is not in fact my butt, but my helmet which hung from my backpack and swung back and forth – hitting each butt cheek with every step. I now have some really rad butt cheek bruises. Told ya I was a sexy fox. 3) My dad is the other one in the photo. Can we just take a second to stop and marvel at the fact that a (mumble mumble) aged man can hike up a mountain with his two twenty-something kids? Who both have to stop and take breaks?! Amazing Dad. Amazing.

2) Every damn time I get roped into watching this terrible show:

And every damn time, I think to myself – “Self, where do they find these women?!”

Seriously. Can I rant?

What the heck. All the tears, the backstabbing, the manipulation… for some man you BARELY know. Um. Am I the only one who thinks there is something wrong with these girls?!

And every single damn season they find 25 more of these fine specimens.

This, to me, is shocking.

I am shocked.

3) This is the weather forecast for tomorrow morning:

This kinda makes me mad. I wanted to run outside again tomorrow morning, and I although I am pretty good at toughing things out (aka- cold, wind, blizzards, snow) I don’t think I can tough this one out. That means I’ll be on the treadmill – which is okay.. but just not the same. Runners – ya feel me?

4) Last night, I went to bed feeling really stinkin’ grateful for the people in my life. Seriously, my fam is awesome. Brother Bear and I are on a good streak. (meaning we don’t want to kill each other)  I’ve got some amazing friends/mentors…

I may be in the “waiting place” but at least I’ve got some good company.

That’s all I had to say. Aren’t you glad I blogged today?

Feel enlightened?

Anything you care to share with me?

So tonight – blogging is brought to you by the great Doctor. Dr. Seuss.

Sometimes, life feels stagnant.

Dr. Seuss calls it “the waiting place”

I’m super glad that Dr. Seuss refers to it in his book about going places – because it makes me feel like if you don’t get stuck in the waiting place… you’re obviously not on your way to anything.

It’s funny how someone (and by someone, I am obviously referring to myself) can run so much, yet also be stuck in a “waiting place”…

Good thing.

I am finding myself in need of some boom bands.

I love them boom bands.

Ever feel like you’re in a waiting place?

Good news. Dr. Seuss says it’ll all be over soon -

And that is all I have to say this fine Sunday evening.

Happy Sunday.

So. I tried the Kale chip thing. Baked them at 200 – yadda yadda yadda. (I even massaged the leaves, and told them how great they were. I figure not only would I massage it, I would also flatter it.)

And you know what?

Eff Kale Chips

Seriously, I am all for healthy trends – getting more greens etc. But if I want Kale Chips, I’m just going to buy them. I am no longer going to attempt to make Kale Chips. You will also never find me making my own almond milk, protein bars, etc.

I will also never juice.

Phew. Rant Over.

And because I thought I’d show you what I look like after being in the kitchen, I am posting a very flattering picture of myself.

Sexy. I know.

Anyhow – that is my weekend update.

While you are enjoying your coffee this morning, check out these posts:

Your Plate Could End Hunger 

Stop listening to the stupid dieting magazines

Lindsay’s Wise Words about Fueling and Resting

Bess’s Feelings on Juicing. Amen Sister.

and finally,

Read about Bonnie, My Calgary Blogging Friend. She. Is. Awesome. (Bonnie, in case you didn’t know – we are officially friends now. Even though we have only hung out once. You are stuck with me. Sorry.)

(we met last weekend and went for a walk in the freezing cold – I’m not kidding, my cheeks are still thawing. You should be extremely proud of me for smiling in the picture below. It took a lot of work.)

ps- The Kale Chip Saga is now over. I will no longer discuss Kale Chips on this blog.